Reciprocity Failure

Hey Beautiful,

I've always wondered how it felt. I've always dreamed about it. I dreamed of how I could be the reason for your smile, how I could be the reason for that playful giggle, that teasing look. I've dreamed of how the glint in your eyes I've always wondered how it felt.

I have longed for you. I have longed for the warmth of your embrace. I have been longing. Always waiting. Waiting for that moment that the sparkle in your eyes screams my name, waiting for that moment that I could be worthy.

I have always wondered how it felt. I have wondered how it felt to hear you call out my name, to feel the rush of holding your hands, to feel the blissful lightness of your hair brushing against my skin. I have wondered how your lips would feel like against mine.

I have often wondered how it felt. That feeling of being loved back, of being needed of being yearned for. That feeling of reciprocity. Those feelings I've never felt.

My naivete is my downfall. I fill these gaps with what ifs and hypothetical feelings. A blanket of ethereal comfort. A deceitful warmth. An illusion.

Until that day comes. Until that day. I'd still dream.

Dream of warmth and of love. Of how it might feel. Dream of fluttering butterflies in the stomach, of clammy hands, of teary eyes. I'd still dream of slipping that ring into your fingers.

I'd still dream of forever. Dream of forever with you.

Sincerely,

Me

How not to ask a girl out.

Hey beautiful,

If you're reading this, I might have said something like I'm falling in love with you all over again. I know. I bet you're pretty surprised. Shocked would be a more appropriate word. Sorry, I had to type this letter and print it out. My hands are shaking as it is. Don't be too hasty to judge me. All everybody needs is a chance. If you could read on, that would be awesome.

I'm your number one fan.The one you sometimes talk to on your sad and dark days, a cheerleader on days when the world seems to be against you, and I am also the one on the sidelines dismissed as the close friend and never the guy who might actually be the one. The shock-absorber or as a friend of mine said a Panyo. I'm not complaining. I am actually grateful that you trust me. I am grateful for the chance to help ease your burden. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

You make me want to dream big. I've told you that a few times before. And this is me dreaming the biggest dream. Hoping to fulfill it. Starting with this letter. Well actually starting when I told you how I feel.

I know you are scarred and afraid. I am too. You know that all too well. But love is full uncertainties and these unknowns make love worth it. All I need is to be given a chance to get you to take that leap of faith with me. We might get bruised and hurt on the way but it is all part of growing up. And I really want to grow up and grow old with you.

I wanna eat cheese ice cream with you. I want to grow a garden full of lilies and to give them to you just see that sparkle in your eyes. I want to take long walks and talk with you. I want to teach you how to ride a bike. I want to dance with you. I want to know how it feels to hold your hand. I want to know how it feels to love and be loved back.

I know you have plans and goals. Go reach for them. I'll be here cheering you on. I know you want to go to places, send me pictures. Better yet, maybe I could come with you.

I am not promising anything. I am not perfect. I am no prince. I am surely falling in love with you. Maybe that's all you need to know.

I may have crashed into a wall falling in love with you again. But for you, I'll do it a thousand times over.

Sincerely,
Me.

P.S.

If you still want to talk after reading this maybe we should get coffee somewhere. If not, then I'm surely gonna miss you.